i just watched "miller's crossing" with austin. we were in kim's, and he was thinking about buying it. then one of us noticed MARCIA GAY HARDEN on the dvd cover, and if that's not a sign from god, then i don't know what is. it's really good. second coen brothers movie. kind of depressing. not on a requiem for a dream level, but still, i don't think i'd want to watch that again anytime within a year or more.

i still don't know how i feel about frisbee. one weird thing is that i dislike calling it "ultimate." it's supposed to be a joke sort of self-deprecating thing, i know, but something about it doesn't sit well with me. i mean, for the most part, it's a bunch of cross country and track dweebs who are too goofy to play a real sport. of course, some teams take it to a level of athleticism that rivals professional sports. but i mean, it's a game without refs, and the core of the rules is "the spirit of the game." if someone calls a foul, it's a foul. you're supposed to be nice. but at the higher levels, people are competitive, and when dave tells a story about how new york's bench cleared out during a game, it makes me kind of sad. and when bill blinn started playing with new york, it showed. during scrimmages at practice, he would run right into people he was marking. i don't think you're supposed to do that. it's tougher d, and coach was saying how everyone should start showing that intensity, but i don't like it.

i just want to fool around. i like tossing, and i like pickup with my friends back home. i kind of enjoy swilly, goofy frisbee. i'm not very competitive. now, i think that's because i'm not very good, and if i was, that would be a completely different story. but i don't really get intense, and i don't have a competitive mentality. i like being part of good plays, and i like scoring, but i don't think i'd like skying an opponent and embarassing him (if i could, that is). that's not why i want to play. bleh.

i didn't join summer league because i hear about all the club players who get so into it. that seems so sad to me. a bunch of 30 year olds who play because they have nothing better to do. that's probably untrue and unfair for 90% of the guys, but i bet it holds true for some. and i don't want to play with or against assholes. and i don't want to be competitive. it especially seemed a bad idea whenever everyone else talked about it. one example is, for dave's birthday, when we were all at brother jimmy's bbq eat shack, or whatever, when everyone asked each other if they'd registered yet, and bill was telling mike how he really ought to sign up. but no one asked me, and that seemed like a sign that i should just leave it alone. i might be reading too much out of that, but it's just a feeling i got.

my throws are much better than when i started spring of sophomore year. now, that's not hard, i was terrible. but i would say they're usually pretty dependable now. that doesn't come from any drive to improve and compete, though, i just like tossing. so i toss a lot, and i think that's why. i'm still fast, so i don't bother with that. as far as endurance goes... that's my weak point. and my height, but i can't do anything about that. increasing my vertical a few inches would be futile, i think. as long as my guy doesn't go deep, i can cover anyone on the in cuts. my marking could be better too, i guess.

i think i did pretty well this weekend. when i wanted to, i made cuts, catches, and throws of reasonable goodness. i thew at least 2 goals, one to lightshow, and one that was way too high but austin saved with a pretty sweet catch. i swatted down a dump from some poor guy who didn't know what he was doing. i don't get as many d blocks as i used to, i think i've become even lazier than when i started. i should work on that. i caught a bunch of goals (a lot more than 2, thankfully. i like catching it in the end zone so i don't have to throw it) and i picked up some swilly trash. i think mainly it's about getting into it. it seems like as soon as i decide to do something, i make some pretty decent plays. so more than anything else, i'll work on my mentality. without becoming a prick. and i'll keep tossing, because it's fun.

i don't know where this is going, or where it went, or where it is now. i just rambled a lot. did you read all of this? feel free to tell me how you feel about "ultimate."