this email from Corey, dated Tuesday the 12 of August, simply must be shared with everyone.

Subject: Thank you for all your loving words last night!

You two fuckin shitheads. Did you have nothing better to do than
call my ass and bitch? After the first one i just turned off my
phone and let the messages accumulate. Can you really not get to
a higher level of drunk without me? That is sweet.

Well at least you provided me some entertainment this morning at
work.

The gems i remember in no particular order:

"I hope you fall down a flight of stairs."

"You gay vegitarian slut."

"Cum buster piece of shit"

"cum rag piece of shit." (very similar to the previous one, which
is a good sign of erics lack of creativity)

"I hope you are drinking wine coolers while somebody is licking
your asshole."

The best proposal must have been to have sex with austin!

Thanks for being dickheads and inviting me out about ten times
last night. I will be sure to drink your asses under the table
while leaving you messages on your phones.

corey

i claim credit for gay vegetarian slut, cum buster (although i think he misheard me saying dumpster), and cum rag. austin and i are debating who said the wine coolers/asshole licking line, but it could have been me.

the story: austin, dave, and i are at lion's head monday night with steiner and rache. a bunch of other people made cameo appearances as well, raj jaydip zach kim zoe and judy. the thing about any size group is that it's easy to drink up until a pitcher per person. after that though, one comes to a fork in the road, where a decision must be made that will determine one's destiny. as austin so eloquently put it, we reached that crossroads after 3 pitchers. would we choose to stay, and get HOUSED, or would we choose to go home with a pleasant buzz? after dave was vociferously outvoted (rache and steiner contributed their opinions as well, rache's involving much name-calling), we get 3 more pitchers (i think) between the 5 of us. somewhere during our sojourn at lion's head austin and i each leave corey some rather recriminating voicemail. we leave the bar around 3 am, a giggling dave in tow, we stumble along until dave collapses on a stoop, at which point austin pulls out his cellphone and starts calling people. it's around 3:30 now. we each leave corey about 3 more messages - utilizing much obscenity and derogatory, hurtful words - each, the highlights from which corey was kind enough to send back to us. austin talks to amanda for about 10 minutes on the phone. i call... (and i only know this from my call log the next day) kelsey, london, yui, mara, !austin!, judy, to name a few. dave is lying down on the stoop giggling this whole time. after we finish our various calls, austin and i go up to broadway 12, and POUND on judy's door for 5 minutes, until i try the handle and it opens!!, revealing a sleepy and much annoyed judy. austin and i realize how much asses we're being and go to sleep.

i think i had some troubles with the tenses in that narrative. i don't feel like going back and fixing it though. all in all, a good night.

sorry judy!