failure. i'm most afraid of failing.

people might think that odd, considering how much work i do. in anything. i don't go to class, i don't do my psets (well, i do them, but not especially well). i don't study, i don't read the texts.

i don't think i've ever considered school important. i don't think i've ever really worried about failing, academically, because i always knew i could do enough to get by, no matter what.

but this waitlisted business has me thinking. if i had done my apps in october instead of january. if i had gotten to know my professors better. if i had joined more extracurricular organizations. and of course, my gpa.

still, i know that if i don't get into ucla or umich off the waitlists this year, i'll get into somewhere decent next year. that's a certainty. almost. which is why it would be really nice to have been accepted this year, to already have that guarantee that i did not fail here at my undergraduate education.

the blame for this post lies with the theme of "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind," which i found shared on itunes. i've got it on repeat and it just makes me wish i could go back and fix every stupid thing i've ever done (not just school, but i don't feel like writing about the rest). the movie is really amazing. i need to make everyone i know see it. oh, and catherine too, she needs to see it again, this time not in the first row of the theater. amazing. maybe i'll go see it again tomorrow. hmm.