terrible t - tirts, and IKEA

i changed the sh in shirt to t, for the alliteration. i went outlet mall shopping with jillian today. one of the stores i ran into was S & G (Sam and Gerdy, or something like that) athletic sportswear. a humongous store, and a closing out sale of _everything_ in the store 5.98 or less. they weren't lying. everything, even shoes, jackets, hooded sweatshirts, jackets, cargo pants, all less than six dollars. it was amazing. being a sports store, and being in america, almost everything had only XL and L left in size. why don't they make less of them? the Ms and Ss are always gone, you'd figure they could correct for this discrepancy between supply and demand... can someone in econ explain it to me? anyways, i got a pair of shoes (5.5 kids, the smallest adult size they had was 10) for 5.98 and two t-shirts.

let me tell you about these t-shirts. they were the typical a&f fare. about 4 out of 5 had a not clever message of dirty innuendo, accompanied by a similarly crude illustration. they were terrible. you know, mary lou's crab shack, no one leaves without crabs... big al's barbeque, best sausage in town, so on and so forth. they must have had over 50 designs like that, but there were some GEMs if one looked hard enough. they were all designed the same, but out of the ones that were not just plain obnoxious, some managed to be so unfunny that they were funny in an ironic fashion. plus a lot that i would pick up as crappy gifts for people since they were only six dollars. but i didn't want to be bothered with guessing people's sizes (ranging from M-XL, what is wrong with this incredibly obese country?), so i only bought two for myself:

one with MASTER in big letters across the top, then under it, bait and tackle shop, bangor, ME. it took me a few seconds to even get the terrible joke.

one with (i forgot what the other one was, so i looked in the bag and the shoebox says "Sam & Barry." close enough) "pinch my bass" lobster and seafood co. with a drawing of a lobster. again, terrible, but i judge it to be ironically funny.

one that i really, really wanted, as this was the true king of so awful it's funny jokes, was a t-shirt with 3 toads on the front. they all look drunk, one has one sock on, one with underwear on his head, and one holding a beer mug. underneath is the text "Toadily Wasted." i almost died when i saw it. sadly, it was all out. the illustration is what did it, it was so loud - just screaming look at me - and it failed so stupendously at being anything close to witty. alas...

ones that i wanted to pick up for friends but were all out:

a t-shirt that said, "I speak Haiwaiian," and underneath, "Hai-iwanabangya." jess, if you wore that, you could just point at the shirt, and thus avoid the risk/certainty of cockblocking your poor self.

the bangor ME one for rachel.

a t-shirt that said, "THE MAN" with an up arrow and "THE LEGEND" with a down arrow. and another one that said, "I am the man from Nantucket." both would have suited steiner.

i'll actually post about IKEA in a separate entry, as it deserves its own. meaning you'll be reading this after the IKEA post. sucka.