whew. i just saw 4 movies yesterday. for $10. overall, though, it was an expensive day, what with 11.80 for lunch (a sandwich from milano of which the second half was dinner, a cannoli, and a root beer), then $10 for the ticket to the hulk, and $4 for a NON refillable soda. that's total crap, by the way. it seems to me like the free refills absurdly large soda is an integral part of the theatergoing experience. whatever. my thoughts:

the hulk, at 1:40. runtime 138 minutes
TERRIBLE. absolutely awful. an incredible waste of money. i wish the box office records didn't have me contributing $10 to this hulking piece of crap. i'll try to sum up how it was so deeply unsatisfying. i've never read the comics, but i know the hulk was created purely by gamma radiation, and not this triple combination of genetic experimentation, nanomeds, and gamma. movies always lose points automatically for deviating from the original format, be it novel or comic book. why can't screen writers understand that their improvements always make the movie worse? well, i shouldn't say always. make a statement like always or never and you'll always be wrong (heh).
the first hour was an excruciating period of waiting for the fucking object of the movie to appear. i swear to god... it was just the most unsubtle foreshadowing i've ever seen. green lights on eric bana, eric getting angry and his head shaking around like he's getting a seizure, but not ACTUALLY FUCKING TRANSFORMING, and people always telling eric how he's special and he has something inside him. we get the fucking point, already! jesus, everyone knows he's the hulk and he transforms when he's angry. if someone goes to the movie not knowing that, they should just be donkey punched.

so after an hour (that felt more like 3 years) of me turning to kelsey and going, "SMASH. WHY WON'T HE SMASH?" , he transforms. great. now he's a big green cgi guy. wait, he's invincible. wait, he can beat up lots of humans. wait, helicopters and tanks can't hurt him either. how suspenseful. how exciting. bullets bounce off him, he heals any injury in seconds, and it's terribly not exciting watching him jump really really high through a desert for 10 minutes while crouching tiger music plays in the background. it was good in cthd, ang lee, but it's just ridiculous here.

and jesus, nick nolte or kris kristofferson or whoever that even is, as bruce's dad, is awful. physically painful to watch. i don't know how much of the movie is just his ranting dialogue, but you can't understand him talk, and when if you could understand his words, they didn't make any goddamn sense. it's not entirely the actor's fault. the character doesn't make any sense. how does he feel about his son? does he love him, or think he's a monster? is he evil, and out to take over the world? who fucking knows...

i don't think i'm doing a good enough job trashing this movie. it's pretty hard to articulate how terrible it was.

right after we got out, ushers were waiting outside to push us towards the exit. this hadn't happened when mike liu and i came. so there was 5 or 10 minutes while we waited for them to go away, so we could walk into charlie's angels, and kelsey and tricia and her friend lindsay were sitting on the bench with me and i could feel their anger, directed at me. i am still really mad about this. i did not promise them 4 movies for the price of one. i did not owe them anything. i proposed the idea, and because AMC had changed procedure since last time i went, the girls felt they had the right to be mad at me. to sum it up, after we got out of our 4th movie, tricia said something like, what a great idea, eric! and lindsay said yeah, we were getting ready to kick your ass when we walked out of that bathroom after the first movie. i just wanted to . i don't know. grr

charlie's angels, at 4:20, about an hour forty.
action sequences were ridiculous. girls were too happy, all the time. all that buddy buddy annoyed me. and they were all really really malnourished, they had no fat on them, even where girls should have fat, and they scared me. but the jokes were pretty entertaining. bernie mac was in good form. and there's one scene right at the end that makes the movie worth seeing, i would say.

bend it like beckham, at 6:50, i think a little under 2 hours
any scenes with the indian mom were hilarious. the british girl, keira knightley, was hot. the main guy love interest ran like a retarded girl, or some sort of sissy t-rex, or something. the indian girl was 28 in real life when they filmed? and keira was 20? i guess the secret is having small boobs. the movie was really cute, and stuff. i enjoyed it.

eliza dushku - i mean, wrong turn, at 9:15, 93 minutes (i think?)
best movie of the night. they did a good job in building anticipation for eliza showing up on screen. oh my god, she is hot. and they did a really good job in casting another girl who looks a lot like her. in that she's short, brunette, skinny, perfect boobs, and HOT. there was some good violence, and some stupid teenagers, and it's the typical movie, but with eliza dushku, thus i will go see it again as soon as i can.

i don't know how i wrote so much about the hulk. i really hope i can save some people the movie ticket, and the over 2 hours, i wasted on it.

oh my god, eliza.