movies part 14: the texas chainsaw massacre

i watched the first hour off a bootleg dvd from china, and then the durn thing stopped working. so i rented it and watched the last half hour or so. jessica biel and water are a perfect combination. my problem with these movies is all the chances the (almost always) female characters have to kill the maniacal killer that they pass up. slight spoiler alert: when she kills her friend in the basement (out of mercy), she stabs him with a knife. then she leaves the knife in him. weapon, anyone? and there's a good 5-10 seconds when another guy is grappling with the killer while jessica lays on the ground sobbing, and the chainsaw is on the ground. someone needs to start a "if you're in a slasher movie survival school." GOLDEN RULE: ALWAYS GO FOR THE FUCKING CHAINSAW.

possible final exam question: you are, as the girl, lying on the ground, doing nothing, while a male friend nearby sacrifices his life to give you another 10 seconds to live. he is keeping the killer occupied. there is the killer's weapon (in this case, a chainsaw) on the ground, right next to you. RIGHT FUCKING NEXT TO YOU. it's already started up. you don't even have to pull the cord, if you're one of those ladies not especially good with tools. IT'S ALREADY FUCKING STARTED UP. you:
a) remain on the ground, sobbing
b) get up and run away so the killer can chase you down
c) GO FOR THE FUCKING CHAINSAW - pick that shit up and kill his ass with it
d) get up and beat on him ineffectually with your girly fists.

(the correct answer is c)

i have to admit, she did all right at the end. hacking off his right arm with the meat cleaver: thumbs up. running away afterwards instead of finishing him off: thumbs down. running into the sheriff with his own car: thumbs up. backing up and running over him. thumbs up. running over him again on the way forward: double thumbs up. being incredibly fucking hot in a tied off tshirt and getting soaked: more thumbs than i have.