i think the guardian provider profile is an extremely accurate description of my persona. i don't know anyone else that even tries to get people together in groups of more than 2. or rather, with regular frequency and for no special occasion. karen did her dinner because it was her last night in new york, pooja organized her party because it was raj's and ken's birthdays. i managed to evolve the dinner into a heavy night of drinking and getting kicked out of bars. i took over a lot of the party when pooja gave up and no one else knew what to do. granted, judy and sara would've taken care of it, but i liked my plan better.

i organized all of my spring break freshman year. because i was so fed up with doing everything, i refused to organize anything for sophomore year, and judy, rubes, zoe, and sara took care of it. junior year i made everyone get together to buy tickets after waiting for SO FUCKING LONG for people who could not make up their goddamn minds about whether or not they were going, and i took care of the hotels, and the cars too. although sara found the rent a wreck and helped a lot with that. and i handled the money every year. oh, and that's another pet peeve, people who fucking sit there vacillating and inconveniencing the group as much as they fucking possibly can while everyone else has their shit together and is waiting for them. i hate them so much. moving on...

and for the people i email about lunch everyday, or the movie marathons every other week, or the tuesday night and weekend drinkins, or the pokers (which haven't been happening enough) - i don't understand what you would do if i wasn't around. would someone else be doing this? or would people be spending a lot more time alone, in their rooms? i like to think i've had a decent impact on my friends because of all the gatherings i have organized. sometimes, though, i get very frustrated when i put a lot of effort into something, and no one responds to the email, or no one seems to appreciate all the work i've put into planning it. i think the best example would be people who come to dinner without washing a goddamn thing. that hasn't happened in a long time, which is very good, mostly because i won't ask anyone like that a second time. i was upset (mistakenly, it turns out, so i am glad i said something about it) when tricia and her friend lindsay seemed ready to blame me for almost having to leave after paying 10 dollars for that steaming puddle of green diarrhea known as "the hulk," and only thanked me, as an afterthought, when we walked out of the fourth movie. it felt like i was performing a service for them and i was subject to their blame if it went badly. it made me feel like i was a tour guide or a servant rather than a friend. something something, that's not what they meant, though, so it's ok.

obviously, i do this because i enjoy it. i think i need it, even. and i am wary of events that other people plan, because i don't trust them to do it as well as i. so what am i even complaining about? if someone else offered to organize all of the things, i would probably be resentful and biased against attending anything.

so what am i writing this all down for? i don't know, really. whatever. the next time i get pissed off and refuse to handle everything for everyone, you'll know why, at least. for now, i'm having fun. oh, i guess i can say people should FUCKING RESPOND TO MY EMAILS, or ask to be taken off the list. if i'm going through the trouble of organizing something and inviting you to it, the least you can do is give me the courtesy of a GODDAMN REPLY.

there, i'm done!