re: _tANGERINEsCREAM

it pains me to write the title like that, but that's how eunji did it. she has a nice thought-provoking post up at her website. which is one of the question marks because i'm a jerk and i don't change the ? to her birthday, which i've asked her about twice so far, i believe. it started as a comment on her blog but it got so long that i thought i'd move it over here. i'm not pasting her post here because that might be stealing? and also because i read an interesting post on raj's blog, which is also thought-provoking, although along a completely different line.

to eunji:
you're stuck up? i don't think i've ever had a real life conversation with you, only the rare IM, but you don't seem so.

it's not pretentious to say people are pretending when they drink. but i don't think you're seeing the whole picture (that's such a crappy phrase - it sounds like something an ad exec would say, but it's the most apt i could think of). those people pretend ALL THE TIME. maybe they have less inhibitions and pretend more when they're drunk. but i know plenty of people that get drunk and stay themselves, and i know even more that get drunk and become more themselves.

i've never met the coaches or any of the new girls. and it sounds like some of the girls i already knew have changed much since i've been gone. but regardless, coaches should not interact with their players at the partying level, and they absolutely should not flirt with them. that is disgusting. it feels wrong in many ways. maybe i feel this way because i am asian. but it should not be characteristic of only one race to hold one's elders or betters or whatever on a different level than oneself. it simply makes sense. they _are_ on a different level.

it was cool when coach came to the strip club with me and mike liu and corey because the opportunity for that sort of thing comes along so rarely. it's ok to let that unspoken barrier down once in a while as long as both parties understand why it's always there the rest of the time. it sounds to me like these two coaches don't understand this concept. but then again, i don't really know enough - or anything - to judge.

drinking is cool. that's just how it is. drinking alone is not cool, though. drinking with a friend? cool. drinking with multiple friends? more cool. i always try to coerce someone to come with me before i go out. i try to coerce multiple someones. and when i do, it's usually because the person wants to spend the night studying or moping or not having fun - in other words, sucking. i also try to coerce people to eat dinner with me. not much of a difference. people need to eat, and people need to relax. especially people living in dirty guarded soulcrushing manhattan.

last year my dad came to visit me at columbia. he came out to a bar with a few of us. at first he didn't really understand why we went to bars... he had this vague idea that people at bars pound down beer after beer until they pass out. but we sat there for a long time, drinking our beers and chilling. telling stories, making jokes, talking smack, the usual. he sort of sat back with this pleased look on his face, and when we went back to my room, he was really impressed with how laid back and social the experience was.

later that year when i visited him in china, he told one of his friends about it at dinner. the guy responded, ah, (here i will spell it out phonetically, for which the arabic alphabet is grossly inadequate - but pin xing (how the hell do you spell that?) offends me and i don't know it anyway) mun mun huh, mun mun liao. which literally means: slow slow drink, slow slow talk/converse/socialize. i think. it's a really great phrase. if i ever owned a bar, that's what i would name it. and if you steal that name, i will kill you. i swear.

i remember telling tao about that, and he told me a story about his mom. every week she would get together with her friends and they'd eat crabs. it wasn't just dinner though. the whole process took hours. just like us, but crab = beer.

ok, out of steam. have i posted the story in the last 3 paragraphs before on here?