austin, jess, and tao. check out their posts. all good, and all somewhat related.

always seeking, vs always vigilant? they're complementary, just like austin said. or meant to say, rather. you can't be one or the other. if you're always seeking, you're never going to find it. it could pass right by you while you're rushing blindly forward. and always vigilant, you might see so many opportunities and never take them.

options? i agree with jess. you have to say fuck it. i hate when a group of people gets together and cannot make up its collective, sheep mind. all of these intelligent people afraid to take responsibility, take a chance, and possibly take the blame if something goes wrong. many times i get fed up and choose for the group, without any more information or credibility to choose than anyone else. it works out; i end up getting my way.

austin is right about not always being able to recognize the best choice without testing out the choices, the act of which is a choice in and of itself. but what can you do? do it! fucking roll the dice! call the raise, see the flop. go all in. you have to. otherwise, why are you alive?

i don't really know what to say about tao's post. it's good. i see a lot of what he's saying. i like the deepening of the lost cities analogy a lot. i'm paralyzed by many of the same doubts. word.


i don't sound halfway as intelligent as i'd like to. der...

jess, the english language sucks. i hate all the little grammatical rules that only serve to make it a bitch language to learn. i don't know how it stacks up against other languages. but there's a reason there are so many words that mean happy, or so many words that mean snide, or so many words to describe the expression on someone's face when you give her a bouquet of daisies. you're right, generalizations work. and are easier to understand. but you can't capture the depth of human experience and emotion with basics. how can you describe how breathtakingly, heartstoppingly, unbelievably beautiful the girl you're in love with is if the only word you can use is "pretty?" are human beings basic? are we basic? we are. i am. but we're also so much more. i am.


and when she says she wants somebody else
i hope you know
she doesn't mean you
and when she breaks down and makes a sound
you'll never hear her
the way that i do
and when she says she wants someone to love
i hope you know
she doesn't mean you