i think i'm done

DONE!

DONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONEDONEODNDOEN

howl's moving castle

so worth it.

on saturday, i drove to the U of Hartford in W Hartford to take the praxis ii, mathematics content knowledge. damn it was hard. much harder than the mtel. all this crap about sets and vectors and matrices and trig and inverse trig (what is the name of the group that consists of secant cosecant and cotangent?) and stuff i didn't really study. a lot of pictures of graphs that i was supposed to decipher, and a lot of _real_ _thinking_. which i have not been used to, sadly, at my school. on my first run through i think i answered 25-30 of the questions. thankfully i got a lot more the second time around, and i think i made good guesses on 5 questions and shot in the dark on maybe 5 more. the rest i'm pretty sure i got barring stupidity. it was 2 hours for a 50 minute multiple choice exam, by the way. strange that it's not available on computer since there is no SA or OR to speak of.

i drove back home afterwards instead of going straight to NY because it was only 11:30 and the drive took less than 30 minutes. i then last minute recruited zhu and susan to come to new york with me. it rained on the way there, which blew, and when we got there, which blew more.

dinner from saigon grill. delicious as always. i ordered 2 extra cartons of rice, which cost $1.25 each! by far the worst item on their menu value wise. but it paid off because i needed more than my single carton to go with my meal. how do you guys in new york not make saigon grill a tradition?

the movie! we arrived not early enough to get 8 seats together in a real nice spot. by that i mean in the center with an unobstructed view. we took the right side column, and i sat in the aisle, so my view was pretty centered. i wonder if it was worse for whoever was at the far end. by the way, i always enter a theatre from the farther door. it just seems obvious that it will be more crowded when one enters from the closer door, as people are sheep and atoms and follow the path of least resistance which their leader is on. stupid sheep atom people.

i overheard someone on her cell phone trying to explain to someone else what the movie was, in what i think was a last-ditch attempt to get him or her to join, and she said something along the lines of, i think it's howl's magical castle or howl's flying castle. i hated her instantly. what was she doing on its opening weekend watching it without knowing the legacy behind this movie? not to mention its fucking name. for shame...

when the totoro logo for studio ghibli came on, i broke my own inviolate taboo and involuntarily joined in the clapping. i caught myself, but i didn't even mind that other people were clapping. i guess if anyone or anything could hear (and appreciate, which is the important part) clapping in some theater, it would be an imaginary totoro.

the movie was great. from the very beginning, the visuals blew me away. that castle was awesome. i will live in a castle like that. or a mobile home. which is really the same thing, in spirit, if one considers it.

i really did think sophie was a little off-looking at first. and to me, she became more and more beautiful as the movie progressed. i wonder if they actually drew her any differently. besides the real obvious changes, that is.

christian bale did a great job as howl. he can not disappoint me. billy crystal is an odd choice for calcifer, but he was still pretty funny. yes, the ending seemed kind of rushed and pat, but maybe that's how it ended in the novel? by the way, has anyone ever read the novel that the movie is based on? i do like how they never explain the cure for sophie's curse.

the movie was absolutely worth the drive to NYC, the cab ride to loew's lincoln, the 10.75 for a ticket, and the subway ride back. and i suppose the drive back to longmeadow as well. when does it come out on dvd?

lion's head was a blast as well. thanks to the scruffy faced guy who gave us a round of irish car bombs on the house. i only ended up paying for 10 PBRs and i only tipped him $3 on the $15. i feel like a dick, but i was drunk and out of actual cash. i forgot to write a tip on the actual tab receipt, so i had only two bucks and one i borrowed from susan to tip him. i'll get him next time.

it was fun talking to raj. oh and i got his cell, again, and his aim name, again.

it's too hot

i can't sleep. thank god for catherine's fan, which i stole. it is fhot in here. which is short for fucking hot. window open does nothing. central ac makes the downstairs nice and cool, but does _nothing_ for my oven of a room. maybe i should move to the dank, spider-infested basement. i can't sleep. must wake up in 4 hours for work.

every time i

watch tv
go outside
get ready for work in the morning
talk to a friend
talk to a stranger
see a movie
go to sleep
read a book
listen to music
take a shower

i become more and more convinced that i am a bachelor for life.

thesuperficial speaks only the truth

his words are like honeyed sugar, or sugared honey, spilling over a melodic waterfall of honey (or sugar). he could charm a basket out of a snake with that tongue of pure silver (or honey).

the last straw that pushed my camel's back over the line and made me post about this site was an article that, though not about kirsten dunst, mentioned her. and by mentioned her, i mean decried her as the embodiment of all that is evil in the world. i did a search for "kirsten dunst" on this site, and look at how much i found. my lord, just the headlines alone...

this is the one that clued me in to how much of a genius the thesuperficial poster is
Tara Reid gives up partying.
People magazine has an article about Tara Reid giving up the party lifestyle, but that's about as believable as Kirsten Dunst giving up the ugly troll lifestyle. Which, in case you're a moron, isn't very. Although I will admit that Tara Reid is way more attractive than Kirsten Dunst, she's still terribly ugly. If you're into drunk pudgy party sluts then I'm sure you disagree, but I just like to set my standards a little higher. I need my women to at least have a chin.

from Kirsten Dunst is ugly.
If I had to choose between slamming my penis into Kristen Dunst or slamming my penis in a car door, I would at least request that car be American. Then maybe my penis could get buried in a national cemetery. And soldiers would hand me a folded flag while I cried at its funeral. I would miss my penis, we’ve had a lot of good times together, but I would respect its sacrifice. It would be the Pat Tillman of penis. I like to think it would never take the cowards way out and go east-west in that pale brittle troll, even for a minute. And I’m pretty sure I’d rather get a hand job from those hooded things in Lord of the Rings than that nicotine stained talon she’s got.

i stopped italicizing. it's definitely still his material and not mine.

oh my god. i love this guy.

from Kirsten Dunst is tough to look at.
A buddy of mine has an older brother who is a cop and once there was this serial rapist going around town and my buddy was privy to a bunch of details that weren’t common knowledge, so, of course, he used them to place an anonymous call to the police and tell them I was the rapist, and sold the whole thing with the details they were after; specific times he saw me leave, specific things he saw me wear, so on and so on. And after they released me 41 hours later, I had to admit it was a pretty good joke. Anyway, I was sorta thinking about pulling the same kind of thing on Kirsten Dunst. But this time, the game is real. Because I hate her. Wouldn't it be bliss to turn on the news and see: “KIRSTEN DUNST IS THE ZODIAC KILLER!” - “D.A. says : ‘You’re gonna hang for this Dunst!’”

Jennifer sent this pic in about a week ago, but I didn’t put it yet cause I choke on my bile every time I open it. Kirsten really is hideous. And please don’t think I mean that as an opinion, cause it’s not. It’s a provable fact, like Fermat's Last Theorem. With her giant Garbage Pail Kid head and creepy scarecrow legs, she looks like she should live in Halloweentown. I'm not really sure where this picture is from - other than my reoccurring nightmare - but it really is unnerving.

(just to recap, the reason I hate Kirsten is cause she’s a hideous talentless hack who is also an insufferably arrogant bitch. One or the other would be fine, but the combination is just too much to take.)

from Kirsten Dunst is in love with herself.
God I hate her so much.

from Kirsten Dunst is a vampire.
It may or may not be illegal to kill people when they’re as awful as Kirsten Dunst. I don’t know, I’m not a lawyer. But if it is, I’ll just roll up in court with this picture, and when the judge says, “why did you do it,” I’ll walk over to the jury with the picture behind my back and say, “Because your honor, Kirsten Dunst … was a Werewolf!” And I'll whip the picture out and everyone will gasp, and the judge will say, “Don’t you mean Vampire.” And I’ll say, “hey look man, whatever.”

from Kirsten Dunst is ugly and cheap.
You may think that since the pictures below are of Kirsten Dunst giving money to a homeless man in a wheelchair, surely I could set aside the seething contempt I have for her, at least for one post. But you’d be wrong, since the cheap bitch gives the man a dollar. One dollar. I tip the inbred at Starbucks more than that and all he does is say, “my bad, you wanted skim?” Just for the record, Kirsten’s asking price is 6 million a film and she makes 3 movies a year on average. She’s clearly not throwing money away on fancy makeup and her outfit here from the Fashion Bug couldn’t have cost more than twenty dollars, but it seems there’s still not enough wiggle room in the budget to spare a five for the hungry paraplegic. God I hate her. Seriously, she’s disgusting. If I had to choose between the best sex of my life with Kirsten Dunst or jacking off in front of my parents … lets just say I hope that never comes up.

from Kirsten Dunst nipple slip.
I guess it would be impossible for me not to post the Kirsten Dunst nipple slip so here it is. My apologies beforehand, as seeing Kirsten Dunst's nipples is probably pretty low on your list of things to do. I think it's safe to say that she is officially the most disgusting celebrity on the planet. I could get past the whole troll face thing if she at least had an attractive body, but she's got the saggiest most disgusting breasts I've ever seen. And believe you me, I've seen a lot of breasts in my lifetime.

from Kirsten Dunst.
Kirsten Dunst claims her and Jake Gyllenhaal broke up because "he's a stay-at-home boy [and she's] an out-on-the-town girl." We prefer to believe they broke up because she's a disgustingly ugly human being. She looks like a boy gone terribly wrong and her teeth are like tiny little pebbles. And when she tries to look sexy? Well, that's about the time we start vomiting all over the place.

thesuperficial

stoops, you have not logged on all day. which is a good thing because i had a virus earlier and was trying to send it to everybody on my buddy list. not that i had the virus exactly. it's a long story. actually, it's not long so much as not worth telling.

you say hedonistica articles seem to resemble my flavor? go to thesuperficial. first of all, it's all about celebrities - mainly the hot female ones. the guy is so caustic, he does something that would signify the epitome of acidity. let's say he bursts into flame if exposed to sunlight. unless they're maintained by the same person or people, and then i'm just an idiot.

i could quote lines from there that made me cackle with misanthropic glee all day. in fact, i will.

Britney Spears is having a baby girl.
in reference to britney spears and whoever her husband is raising a child.
This kid would have a better chance being raised by hungry wolves, but if Britney and Kevin have to get one, thank God it’s gonna be a girl. They would have screwed up a boy or a girl, but at least a girl will act on her emotional emptiness by stripping in 18 years and four months. As opposed to them torturing a boy with their insane, spoiled antics, in which case he would be the one carjacking me in 15 years or approaching me in a truck stop bathroom and asking if I wanted to “party”.

in the same article, after showing some pictures of saggy britney.
Just a little reminder of what Kevin has done to this girl. And why you need to throw a rock at him if you see him before I do. But if you do see him, and he's rubbing his head as if he just got hit by a rock, it's cool, I found him.

From Paris Hilton is not that rich.
It would be easy to call Paris Hilton a money hungry tramp. And fun too, so here I go: Paris Hilton is a money hungry tramp who has every advantage at her disposal and still only manages to look like a tarted up hussy. At best. At worst she looks like something from the valley in the 80‘s whose hair was stiff and sticky and not because of hair gel. And by “at worst” I mean “every day of her life”.

i could have written this same paragraph, just not as well. it's about miss universe 2005.
I meant to post this last week when it was actually relevant and timely, but I was too busy getting distracted by insanely hot pictures of Jessica Simpson in a bikini and Jessica Alba in a see through dress. And by distracted I mean masturbating. And by masturbating I mean masturbating furiously. [the furiously was already in italics before i italicized the passage. he was masturbating _hard_]

from The Superficial Interview: April Scott, a smoking chick with a 4.083 gpa in college.
Quite frankly, I could have done without that. It’s charming as hell that April is so damn smart and genuinely sweet, but it wrecked the original idea which was to just ask her if she would have sex with me over and over and over until she caved, or at least ask wildly offensive and inappropriate stuff like “I heard your gynecologist sent you a dozen roses one time. Is that true?”

Britney Spears not in Playboy. Yet.
Playboy must have spent my subscription money on a time machine because Britney has pretty much looked like hell for two years now. Playboy could just open a thing of poppin-fresh dough, dress it like a tramp then put Britney’s picture and a lit cigarette at the top and it would pretty much be the same thing. I’d rather see my grandfather naked then Britney. The girl in the pics below is gone. She could have glow-in-the-dark tentacles and a forked tongue now and not look any worse, so how about we turn our focus to new hotties like April Scott. I was on April’s website and I saw a picture of her ass, and then I stabbed myself in the eyes so I could go out with one perfect image. Totally worth it dude. Uhh, wait, I mean … tigksisdfdfj kgkqweokdgkgo.

Lindsay Lohan removes freckles
Star Magazine, the bastion of all that is true, is reporting that Lindsay Lohan may have gotten her freckles removed as part of her plan to change her appearance and be taken more seriously as an adult. Also part of her plan, losing her once fantastic breasts and looking like a crack-addicted whore.

I don't think we even need to report on Lindsay anymore. We can just release periodic updates that say "Lindsay Lohan still insane" and move on with our lives. Which, if you're anything like me, means having sex with hundreds of supermodels. At once. [why can't i unitalicize once?]

i am a fucking fraud

after buying 6 of his movies yesterday, i find out that he released a movie in 2004 in japan. and from rottentomatoes, no less. i'd never even heard of it. why aren't i trolling anime forums? am i too cool to dress up like a furry and engage in yaoi? i am a poser. my self-loathing right now is palpable.

howl's moving castle. it looks incredible. the art of the castle itself is breathtaking. that is wall scroll or movie poster worthy. the premiere (i think) was last night, or tonight, depending on if you're technically minded or not, and i think hayao himself attended. it is opening on limited release in select cities (cambridge, ma being one of them, and new york not, somehow) june 10. hopefully the ticket information for new york simply has not yet been released. i have the CT teaching exam on saturday, but i will go into new york that night for the movie, however much over $10 a ticket might cost.

and here's the kicker: guess who is the voice talent for howl? none other than homicidal maniac and tetragramaton cleric of the first order billionaire playboy bruce wayne.

studio ghibli @ media play

i just bought princess mononoke, spirited away, castle in the sky, kiki's delivery service, porco rosso, and the cat returns for 15.99 each from media play. that's by far the best deal around. i already own princess mononoke and spirited away, so i have no idea why i bought them. i recently bought the cat returns from target for 20 but i'll return that. unfortunately, i bought nausicaa from best buy just long ago enough that i can't return it. i'm honestly thinking about buying extra copies because they're so cheap. yeah i'm insane.

if anyone wants me to pick up any of these movies for them, drop me a line. $16! what a deal. i had an overlong conversation with the cashier about the movies, i don't know why. i guess she was trying to pitch the media play rewards membership. from what she said she clearly thought i was a weirdo anime freak, but was trying to be inoffensive about it. i think. it sucked.

ssfosswhspwposv & psobbob

in other news, i downloaded the pso:bb ob client. for those of you unversed in acronym speak, that's phantasy star online: blue burst open beta. it's fun, but it's fucking hard. i need some backup. who will play with me?