yeah

*this was written back in November sometime at home. I'm finishing it up now.

saturday. i got home sunday night. that's almost a full week. no screaming match between my mom and my brother.

i go outside to rake leaves. my mom loves going outside and doing it by herself, and trying to make me feel guilty about letting her. the fact that she SNEAKS OUT OF THE HOUSE to do yardwork without telling me sort of ruins her plan. at some point, i leave my room to go downstairs, and my brother mentions offhand that she is outside.

anyway, i'm outside, and i'm raking leaves.

mom: can you rake that pile into that pile?
me: what? they're both big piles already. why would you want me to do that?
mom: it would make it easier for me to bag.
me: you mean _this_ pile and _that_ pile? but they're both big already. it doesn't make sense.
mom: fine, if you don't want to help, then you don't have to. we have different ideas about how it would help. you can go inside.
me: i want to help, but i don't think it makes sense. whatever.
i start to rake one pile the other pile
mom: what are you doing? i said _that_ pile and that _other_ pile!
me: no you didn't! you were very unclear, and when i asked if you meant these two piles, you said yes!
mom: i wasn't looking at you.
me: you should! when i ask you a question, you should look at me!

everything goes to hell from there. some salient points.

you think i'm low class and your friends are high class.

you liked that vietnamese place after your friend showed it to you. you would have hated it if i showed it to you.
you hated chinese school because i took you to it. you would have liked it if your friend showed you.

*i stopped here, i don't remember why. i think mom came upstairs to scream at me some more. continuing...

my response: you didn't show me the vietnamese place. if you had, i would have liked it. how can you say what i would have done in a different situation that never happened? and i would have hated chinese school no matter who took me! that's just as ridiculous as your pho example.

apparently, i am arrogant. does anyone else agree?

because how can i not post about it?

i spent the entire evening of november 2nd watching the news, feeling physically ill, going to my computer, going back to the news, changing the channel, changing it back, feeling physically ill, going back to my computer, ad infinitum. (i think i used it correctly there, but i'm not sure). i was trying to describe the state which the coverage put me in to some people.

it was akin to watching someone stick a white hot spear into his own eye. and that someone was me. or rather, i could be thought of as one neuron inside this man's brain. all of this man's decisions are made, not by me, but by every neuron in the brain. except that every neuron's vote is not counted equally. the brain is divided into regions, and each of these regions gets a number of votes according to their size.

let's say that this man was attacked within the last four years by a dog. this dog bit the man in the chest, side, and ear. this man, his entire body (or all the various parts of the brain that govern his body) is afraid of that damn stupid dog coming back again. on the spear is a tag reading, "if you stick me in your FUCKING EYE while i am GLOWING WHITE FUCKING HOT, i can pursue my own oil interests i mean protect you from that dog by declaring war on a FUCKING EMOTION." various regions believe the writing on the tag, yet for some reason, the three areas controlling the chest, side, and ear all say, "what the fuck? no, we will not stick a spear in our eye! that makes no goddamn sense anyways!"

the spear has yet another tag on it proclaiming, "if you do not stick my WHITE HOT razor tip in your GODDAMN FUCKING EYE, gay people will get married. then they'll come looking for you so they can rape your ass." the part of the brain which controls the anus, which for some reason holds almost half the entire fucking vote inside the brain - shitting is important - says, "hell yes we will stick this spear in our eye! if dudes are not allowed to marry, they will only fuck each other! but if they enter a lifelong sacred bond of love and trust, they will come after my sweet virgin anus!"

the part of the brain that controls the arm from the shoulder to the elbow has a lot of trouble deciding! in the end, since it controls part of the goddamn arm and should not be trusted to make any decisions, it decides that the spear in the eye is the righteous path, despite knowing that the spear has done CRACK FUCKING COCAINE up its fucking spear nose and is a FUCKING DRUNK DRIVER.

the part of the brain - and this is crucial to sticking a spear in one's own eye - that controls the arm from the elbow to the hand has even more trouble deciding! in the past four years this part of the brain has suffered from heavy drug and alcohol abuse, and a large fraction of the neurons in this area no longer have any function to speak of. they sit around in their fucking neuron houses drinking neuron beer and beating their hot neuron wives. but, due to long long lines and _machine error_ (have you heard about this?), the neurons that for some reason believe that A SPEAR IN THE FUCKING EYE will give neurons their functions BACK prevail.

terrible metaphor or whatever. but the imagery of someone screaming while shoving a spear deeper and deeper into his own eye won't leave me alone. funny that the metaphor of someone screaming in pain from being so stupid is itself screaming in pain from being so stupid.

rohrbach is in canada.
xbox crystal limited edition holiday bundle with fable and crimson skies is available in canada.
bush is not president in canada.

2 more good reasons, and i am fucking gone. it is not overreactionary. wait until bush institutes a fucking draft. he knows now that he can do whatever he fucking wants. it's not like he has to run for re-election. he's run this country into the fucking ground for the past four years and he still has the job!

where are you bill clinton?

disenfranchisementnessicity

(12:04:24) me: i'm collectin away messages
(12:04:31) me: does yours have to do with the election?
(12:04:33) casey : I should have expected failure in the beginning. But I didn't, and now I'm just disappointed.
(12:04:53) casey: yeah
(12:05:30) casey: that and life in general
(12:06:09) me: yeah you get used to it by my age
(12:06:27) casey: but yeah, its mostly about the election
(12:06:49) me: i hear canada's a nice place to raise children
(12:07:10) casey: its too fucking cold up there
(12:07:30) casey: honestly, who the hell votes for bush?
(12:08:12) me: cultural conservatives
(12:08:31) me: people who think democrats raise taxes to give money to minorities that they hate
(12:08:35) me: people who hate gays
(12:09:32) me: people who think moral values are the most important issue, and somehow ignore the fact that bush has done cocaine and been arrested for a dui
(12:09:41) me: and that his daughters go around using fake ids to drink underage
(12:09:45) me: they must be huge sluts
(12:10:01) casey: heh
(12:10:11) casey: thats why i cant stand this country
(12:10:23) me: it's amazing that people can vote for bush in ohio when they have suffered so much economically
(12:10:43) casey: they lost like 2 million jobs there~
(12:10:45) casey: !
(12:10:46) me: people are idiots
(12:11:19) me: that's the problem with democracy is that all these gay hating welfare hating god fearing bigots and rednecks and christians are allowed to vote

(12:04:38) jess : there's a reason i chose to watch the election coverage on comedy central with john stewart....

(12:04:51) xiao : another 4 years of American Undemocracy

(12:05:00) stoops : uh ... fuck this country.
fuck it.

fuck it right in the ear.

(12:05:15) steiner : im not leaving my room for the next 4 years

(12:05:21) eunji: fuck ohio. and fuck always being miserably behind in work. brit lit, then back to do more linear.

(12:05:29) stephanie : ok, time for a revolution

this experiment is over

after reaching a high point of 260 twice in my short 3 night span of playing poker online at party poker, i am stopping at my current balance of 149.45. this is not working out. with the $40 bonus, i lost $90 at poker overall. to idiots. it's unbelievable what some of these people will pay to play. yet they have my money.

the final straw was getting disconnected for the 7th (i'm guessing) time today because of my wireless connection, being forced to fold my KK, and then missing the next deal because the game put me in deal me out status. it doesn't let me change that status until i've missed that deal, even if i come back before it.

-$50. could be worse. i'm not going to keep going, despite thinking i was ready to lose up to 200 when i started.

birthdays all around

look, wow, it's already the election, and i haven't said anything about abortion, like i meant to. i'm a firm believer that i can't change anyone's beliefs, so it's kind of pointless. it is nice to have communication, but i am positive that it will not lead to conversions either way.

happy birthday austin. happy birthday judy. i hate you.

i've been sidetracked by not doing my law school applications, and playing online poker instead. does anyone want to give it a shot? if i sign you up, i get $50! and you get $25. unless you use the deposit bonus, which is 20% of your first deposit. so if you deposit more than $125, the referral bonus is useless. but i still get $50!