goddamn

lindsay lohan. i just watched mean girls, and she's so past-hot. so upsetting. so upsetting. i was thinking of relieving some pressure earlier, and i don't even have the heart for it anymore. that's how bad it is.

that would be a good note to leave it on, but now i'm curious, is there a term for chicks who have been plain ruined? there really ought to be. right now there's seriously an epidemic of hot celebrities becoming pregnant or anorexic like it's going out of style. that reminds me, today in the top of the front page of USA today there was a picture of pre-k-fed britney spears mentioning her comeback tonight on will and grace. i stated several times that that was prime irresponsible journalism, using a past-hot picture when she's really a bare-foot one-woman trailer park now.

last one

i don't have the ability to go back in time and edit what i said, unless one counts editing old posts. but i can clarify, which is what i'll try to do here.

i wasn't hurt at the time. i _still_ don't care. i said that i didn't feel offended. what i _should_ have said after that was, if my feelings had been hurt, austin's concern would have taken care of it. and austin, without really knowing what happened, told me that whatever had happened he hoped i was ok about it.

i didn't post a public critique. or i didn't mean to, at least. at dinner, after natalie finished fucking with me or blowing random smoke up my ass or whatever it was, there was definitely a distinct awkwardness that someone tried to dispel by saying, "i don't know what just happened," to try to move past it. people were confused and i thought i could explain what i was thinking.

sorry.

teachers

a new series premiered tonight? the oh so cleverly named teachers. how many different interpretations are there for "arrested development?" how many different interpretations are there for "teachers?"

the main character annoyed me as soon as he appeared on screen. as the show went on, the way he dresses and the way he talks only made it worse. i am, however, a fan of the two love interests, miss spicy latin cleavage, and miss priss british accent. and the overweight middle-aged bald man whose wife took away his internet privileges reminds me of swanson in a good way.

i proceeded to lose all respect for the main char when he confessed to miss priss, hypothetically, what if there was a teacher who loved teaching so much it embarassed him and so he made light of it, that he couldn't wait to get to school every morning so that he could see the light in their eyes when they "got it," and so on with the vomit-inducing homo emotions stuff. that is bullshit.

being the kind of teacher that lives to nurture that tiny spark within a student only encourages more students to turn themselves off so teachers have to work 3 million times harder in order to reach them. every time teenagers get more fucking stupid and lazy, and the educational system blames itself and bends over backwards in a futile attempt to fix it, they just get fucking stupider and lazier. fuck engaging lessons and colored pictures and different activities.

kids should fucking sit at their desks and be receptive to learning. they shouldn't have to be lured there with whatever fucking activity took the teacher 2 hours of her free time at home to plan. they should sit there, they should pay attention, and if they don't they should stop wasting the education that our tax dollars paid for. i'm not saying they need to be taken out back and shot, but they ought to go into a shit minimum wage job right that second and be made to understand that THEY WILL BE WORKING THERE FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES, assuming they don't get fired for being retarded.

the jess school of thought

in honor of everyone's favorite hawaiian, i'm posting this here. i probably should not have posted anything about it in the first place, but they were just thoughts, and i got a response in kind, so here we go.

natalie - i probably should have remembered that you read this.

it's either demoralizing or it isn't. either way, you were trying to respond in kind, and from a number of phrases you wrote right here it sounds like you were hurt and you were trying to hurt back. it doesn't sound like you were just fucking with me, or blowing random smoke up my ass. it sounds like you snapped back and said exactly what you meant to say, and then felt bad later.

i'm really glad you don't bitch and whine, or any other crap, because if you did i would be right about the soul sucking. i never thought you were that kind of person; i wouldn't even talk to you if that were the case.

it is an old line and i am at fault for expecting you to recognize it as such. i'm sorry. i play by a fairly specific set of rules and you have no way of knowing them.

i already said i don't care. and unlike you, i don't contradict myself with every other sentence. although me mentioning austin and remorse does seem contrary to me not caring, doesn't it? what i should have said is that it was nice austin was concerned about my feelings being hurt, even though he didn't have to be. remorse wasn't the most apt word either. damn.

austin did not apologize for you, or anything along those lines. he was making sure i could in fact take what you were dishing out, and i think he was worried when he asked me that i couldn't.

what _would_ you do without him? he's a good person and a great friend and everyone would be worse off without him. well, maybe there are some people in the world who hate him, but they're in the minority. i think.

at school

these are notes i've jotted down in notepad on my laptop while at school. at some point they were intended to be seeds for larger posts and then i don't know what happened.

v for vendetta - excellent

a history of violence - joey

going to new york. i don't really understand what happened when natalie tried to lay into me. what did she say? the total failure of my love life? i must have hit a nerve when i remarked on the soul stealing and the destroying of austin's identity as her ultimate goal, the achievement of which being marriage. i suppose i could be offended if i was so inclined, but i don't think it's worth it to muster the necessary indignation, or whatever it would be. also, austin seemed remorseful enough on her behalf. still, i think i was telling the truth when i said, if i wanted a girlfriend that badly, i'd get one. that could be some excuse, never trying so i don't fail, but i'm pretty sure it's not.

i'm absolutely fine with my statistics class and my ap statistics class. but my hatred for my geometry support class only grows. it doesn't wax and wane. there is only waxing. there used to be a time when i could distance myself from it and not care how fucking stupid they are, but lately every single facet or component or form of their massive ignorance only makes me hate them more. part of the problem is that their comeuppance is too long in the upcoming. i think that if i could hand them their fat F's right now ( as opposed to when they get their report cards in May) i'd feel a lot better.

i'm extremely happy with dell right now. in my senior year of college, i ordered a fragbox so i could play elder scrolls 3: morrowind. it was a solid buy and good value, but goddamn the fan was loud. i couldn't sleep with that thing on in the same room. march 21st i went to gamestop on the way home from school and picked up elder scrolls 4: oblivion, only to find that my video card did not support it.

steiner went and bought a new computer from costco immediately. it was a gateway, though, so i went home and checked on dell. the day i checked, i got $400 off, free 3-5 day shipping ($99 normally), and i bought a $35 off dell home coupon from ebay for $2 (i actually got 4 coupons but i don't think i'm going to use the other 3. they expire tomororow, if anyone wants one i have 3 codes left), so my system was a sweet deal. i ordered mine wednesday night and it shipped friday morning. and i got it yesterday (monday) at 5pm. dell rules.

i love how quiet it is. it's the little things that don't seem like a big deal but are always around that mean so much in the end. like having a plant in my room. making jasmine tea from tenren with the little infuser ball using the hot water kettle i ordered from amazon. having my tv on a lazy susan so i can turn it to face my computer desk or my bed. once i set up the blinds in my window so i don't wake up due to sunlight stabbing through my eyelids, and put a floor lamp in so i can read in bed without the ceiling light blazing in my eyes, i will be one with all.